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| been forever since i wrote. and alots gone on. found someone who i felt safe with and lost them. can no longer work due to my knees getting worse. had two surgeries on the right knee may need one on the left. trying to get out of the house. started paying for my own cell phone so i got a different company and a new number. house numbers also been changed. also starting to tell people im not a frickin counselour and i have my own issues to deal with. also been put on anxiety meds to help curb nervousness and depressions. also wrote something last night which ill post here. i called it friendships betrayal Freindships Betrayal I took a leap of faith. hoping youd save me. instead i fell to the ground and broke into pieces. Now i lay here on the pavement weeping. shivering. crying out for help. No one answers but the rain. I watch people gather dressed in black. they cry and ask why. he was young. full of life. and they'll never know. Of the pain. The loneliness. or the betrayal. the cold and dark surrounds me. makes me one of its own. and i travel the world. faceless. nameless. with only one wish. To find the light once more. | | |
| ok so a few weeks ago i learned who my real friends are. i was having problems at home when a friend of mine who i set up on a blind date called me to chew me out becuase the girl turned out to be taken. he chewed me out for the entire day then wehn mymom got home she started in on me. and mo0st of my friends including ones who ive done nothing but be there for every time they nedded me either blew me off or got pissy at me or set their significant other on me. because they had their own shit to deal with. you know what? half the time when you people come to me with problems im dealing with shit to so i dont wanna fucking hear it. it doesnt work only one way with me, you either be there for me when i need you as well or dont bother talking to me. so if anyone out there that reads this is wondering why i dont talk to you? theres your answer have a nice day. | | |
| you wanna know what pisses me off more than anything in this world? people who tell you they wanna talk to you or claim to be your friend then blow you off. for stupid reasons i was asked to call a friend last week and when i did they got a call on their cell phone and instead of ignoring it they answerd it and it didnt sound to serious. but after 20 mins of being quiet i asked them if i should go and they told me yes. after that they blew me off the rest of the day im tired of people fucking doing this to me either you wanna talk to me or you dont. dont ask me to run up MY phone bill and not even bother to tell the other person you can't talk. and if they say theyll call back in a few tell them no youll call them when youre dont thats what i do i ask them to call back and give them a time frame. because its rude to blow someone off your talking to because someone else wants you and its not important. moral of this rant? : IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME THEN TALK TO ME DONT BLOW ME OFF!!!!! | | |
| ok newest update for a certain someone who wants it. i'm emmotionally and physically tired, work has cut me back so im making less so the dream of a car is growing near to nil, and on top of it i was in an accident. so lately ive been questioning raltionships and dropping those that don't talk to me or don't need me anymore. because lately since that night. i dont feel i should be alive. i believe i should have died that night and wish i had. there theres your update happy now leave me alone! | | |
| well i havent updated for a while i never had to write but today i have to get this all out or else i will break. Next month is the anniversary of the friend of mine who comitted suicide and i am still blaiming myself for that. the past couple nights ive had a knife to my arm and have been ready to slice in and to let my pain bleed out. everything i wanted to do is now undoable because of work. we lost seven fucking people four of them due to a damn slut whos fucked the four guys who left. so i wasnt able to go hang out with my friends and nor am i able to celebrate halloween because i have to work. the concert i wanted to go to was cancelled by the artist. oh and the cherry on the cake is that i still dont have a car of my own because we dont have a damn title. the other thing is im confused and so messed up right now. im in love with a girl named jess but im also in love with another girl who ive knowin going on three years now. the sad thing is every time the girl ive known longer and i say i love you, she goes and has a boyfriend and tells me she doesnt condone cheating but then to prove to me i am wanted she will flirt with me and tell me things and then i turn around and im all confused. with jess im her only im her one its me thats it no one else. and its nice but im scared ive never been someones one and only before shes talked about getting married and have kids and i love being with her. but... jss is recovering from cancer shes been in remission for about a year or so and i dont know how i will take it if it comes back... so there you have it my fucked up life in two long paragraphs have fun reading im out | | |
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